Sleep Routines

"Sleep problems" aren't really my main focus, but I've seen quite a few parents having problems with their child's sleep habits. The problems include the child not falling asleep in a reasonable amount of time, repeatedly getting out of bed, loudly complaining and refusing to go to bed, wanting to sleep in their parents' bed, or just being afraid of the dark. There are many things that can produce problems with sleep and there are many ways to deal with them. I always ask parents this same set of questions:

• What times does ____ usually go to bed (not necessarily asleep)?
• How long does it take for ____ to go to sleep?
• What time does ____ usually wake up in the morning?
• How easy is it for ____ to wake up?
• What is their mood when they wake up and do they seem tired the next day? 

I ask these questions for sleep problems and for a wide variety of behavior problems. Sleep is critical for a child (and for adults).  It is important for a child's physical and mental development, and it greatly affects their behavior and their ability to learn effectively in school. If a child hasn't gotten enough sleep, then the brain is less ready to learn and the child is less able to handle the frustration necessary for learning new things. We see more behavior problems because the child's tolerance for frustration is so low and their ability to control their behavior is simply not as good.

Though a child may try to insist otherwise, children really need sleep routines. They should be going to bed at basically the same time every night and waking up at about the same time every morning. By maintaining this, the child's body gets into the habit and they will naturally begin to feel more tired and ready for sleep at around the same time each day. This makes it much easier for them to go to sleep. As a quick note: I strongly discourage allowing children to fall asleep with the TV on. TV's are designed to be naturally stimulating and attention-grabbing.

It can also help to use a familiar routine of activities every night to prepare for bedtime. That might include taking a shower, putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, laying in bed, listening to a story, and getting tucked in. The routine activities help prepare the brain for going to sleep. It is sort of like when you see a bunch of familiar landmarks on the way home. You know where you're going because you see all of the same things and you know what to expect at the end of it. It's the same way with these activities, but naturally you want your child's bedtime routine to include activities that are less exciting and stimulating for them so they can "wind down."


The first major step in helping your child with their sleep problems is to establish a routine and stick to it. Be consistent and they'll get the hang of it (if we keep changing it, they'll just be confused). We cannot make a child sleep (which they'll point out to you if they're fighting it), but we can help them be more successful at it. We can use a routine, we can require them to stay in their room, and we can remove a lot of the distractions they may use to keep from sleeping (toys, TV, video games...). Beyond that, we need a large amount of patience as they begin to learn how to sleep well.