Naturally parents are invested in teaching their
children the skills they need to be successful in the long-term while also
managing their own resources (time, money, and patience) to keep things stable.
Though most parents do fine and children "graduate" from childhood
into the workforce, parenting is neither easy nor obvious. For the most part,
parents ultimately fall back onto their "body of knowledge." The
majority of this is likely to include their own experiences as a child (what
their parents did) and their own reflection and thoughts on those experiences,
and a lesser portion of what they've learned from other sources (books,
education, TV/movies). However, there often comes a time when something
unexpected comes up or something for which they are simply unprepared. Though
our society seems to have an expectation that parents should just
"know" what to do, the truth is that for the most part, we receive no
classes and no instruction on how to parent. Therefore, it is expected and
perfectly reasonable for parents to be confused at times or at a complete loss
for what to do next. Even when that's not the case, it's possible to improve on
what we do in parenting just as it is in so many other areas of life. And
often, this means less work required in the long run!
Contributing
to "Healthy" Child Development
Naturally our children look to us as models. They
learn by watching us, imitating us, and seeing how we respond to them. Children
seek to understand the world from the moment of their birth (maybe even before)
and they're wired for it. Observe how quickly an infant learns that when he
cries, mom or dad come running. Then how the infant learns to use this to get
what he wants. Though there are a variety of childhood disorders than may
result from genetic characteristics of physiological reasons, there are many
that result from experiences in childhood and can be aided by adjusting early
childhood experiences.
Parenting styles appear to contribute to the
development or severity of a number of childhood disorders including: Conduct
Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Anxiety Disorders,
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, and Mood Disorders. Particularly,
contributing parent behaviors include: demonstrating impatience and low
tolerance for frustration, short temper, not interacting frequently with the
child, being inconsistent in interactions with the child (sometimes warm and
loving, and other times cold/distant), harsh punishment, and focusing on the
child's misbehavior instead of good behavior. Furthermore, our actions as
parents can improve children's outcomes with regard to: Learning Disorders,
Autism Spectrum Disorder, Intellectual Disability, and Developmental Delays. Specifically,
modeling persistence, appropriate social behaviors, and patience contribute to
helping the child develop the skills needed to be successful. This is not to suggest that "poor
parenting" causes these disorders, but our actions as parents can improve
the child's outcome and contribute to his success.
In general, it is beneficial to model
"appropriate" ways of responding to situations emotionally and
socially. It is also important to produce a stable, predictable environment so
that the child can learn how the world works (if the rules keep changing, then
it is very confusing). We often teach children how to act just by what we do
and how we react to them, but sometimes this must be done explicitly, meaning
that we make a point of getting the child's attention and explaining what we're
doing. For example, "Johnny, notice how this traffic is moving slowly? I'm
getting very frustrated and impatient. I could get mad, yell, and hit my
steering wheel because I'm frustrated. Instead I'm just going to sit here,
relax, breathe, and listen to some music." Making it more interactive with
the child is preferred (for example, asking what is a good way to react to the
traffic in the above example), but it may be necessary to simply explain things
before the child can know what the correct answer may be.
In the end, it is our job as parents to help the
child learn the behaviors that will make him successful. This often includes
clearly showing and teaching the
behavior (for example tying shoes, brushing teeth, etc.), pointing out and
emphasizing what they have done right so they know that it was the right thing
to do (for example, when they compliment their peers or share their toys),
rewarding good behavior, and correcting misbehavior by showing them what they
should have done differently. It is unreasonable to expect a child to have the
knowledge of an adult, simply know what is "good behavior" and
"misbehavior" intuitively, and to understand vague terms like,
"be respectful" (what does that look
like?). Children have not spent much time since being unable to talk, walk, or
feed themselves, and the world is still very new.
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