Time-Out

Time-out is commonly regarded as the “gold standard” in punishment. Many advocate the use of time-out instead of alternative forms of punishment such as spanking or scolding. Although it is true that time-out is generally more effective than these other forms, it is not always easy to understand why or how to get the results you want from it. Many parents or early education professionals try time-out, find that it doesn’t appear to be working and give up on it. The information here may help you understand how time-out works, why it is recommended so often, and how to possibly adjust your time-out procedure to get the results you want. 

Time-out is based on one simple idea: the child would rather be doing something fun and being in time-out means he cannot do anything he would rather be doing. This first point is important to understand because if the child is not bored, then time-out probably won’t work very well. If the child is able to get your attention (even if you’re scolding him or explaining why he is in trouble), then that may be more enjoyable to him than getting nothing at all. The best indicator we can have that time-out is having the effect we want is observing the child’s behavior. If the child is getting upset, fidgeting, talking, or complaining, then time-out is probably working. In fact, the more the child complains, the more we know he dislikes it (which is the goal). 
 

Therefore, we need to setup time-out carefully. Some general recommendations include: require the child to serve time-out away from anything interesting (TV, radio, other people or pets, toys…), provide a place for the child to sit (chair or floor is fine), ensure the place is safe, and make sure you can see the child easily when you need to. The time-out location should be a “low traffic” area as well. If people frequently walk by, then it can be entertaining for the child and harder to get a good effect from time-out. 
 

It is very helpful to have a timer the child can easily see and understand. It is better if the timer can clearly show how much time is remaining in time-out. Additionally, if the timer can be paused when the child is becoming disruptive, then that is tremendously helpful. There is some debate if it is better to pause or restart time-out when the child gets up, moves around, or talks. If time-out is restarted each time the child acts up, then a simple 5-minute time-out may become a half-hour time-out, which is hardly fair. The child also “loses” all of the progress he previously made in serving time-out. 
 

Pausing time-out allows the child to keep his previous success, but sends a clear message that he will not be out of time-out until he settles down again. It is appropriate and helpful to very simply, and unemotionally explain this to the child (for example, “The timer stops until you are quiet.”). Further explanation is unlikely to be helpful and may actually reward the child for acting up (because they get your attention again). Instead, we want the child to be rewarded for controlling his impulsive behavior and emotions (a very valuable skill). 
 

The child is more likely to comply with time-out if he can see that he only has a few minutes left in time-out. Each minute that passes in time-out is, in a manner, rewarding for the child and can be considered a measure of success (because the child must refrain from many other behaviors during time-out). Many timers go up to 1 hour in length, which can be very difficult to see due to small numbers. Also, if the child is only serving a 5-minute time-out, then it is hard to see when the timer has moved a minute or two on a 1 hour timer. 
 

The typical rule for setting the length of time-out is approximately 1-minute for each year of age of the child. Therefore, a 5 year-old child may serve a 5-minute time-out. This is not a firm rule, however, and can be adjusted as necessary. Some children are remarkably patient and need a slightly longer time-out (extended 1 or 2 minutes), while other children are extremely impatient and hyperactive, and would probably get just as much effect from a slightly shorter time-out (shortened by 1 or 2 minutes). Extremely long time-outs are generally not effective, and other punishments may be more appropriate if you find you need an unusually long time-out. It is unclear at what age time-out loses its potency (indeed, even adults may serve a form of time-out), but you can always begin adding other forms of punishment when your child is ready. Ultimately, we do not want to be dependent on punishment to adjust a child’s behavior.