Diagnostic labels can bring relief, sadness, confusion, or anger. Often they produce all of these emotions at the same time. When I meet with parents to talk about the results of an evaluation, I wish I had an hour to go over the main results, a couple of hours for them to leave and think about it, and then another hour to talk about their questions and what to do next. I usually end up spending an hour or two with them talking about the results and coming up with some kind of immediate plan. Then we make another appointment after they've had time to think about everything and come up with new questions.
Labels can be scary because we don't want our kid to have "that label", for other people to say things or judge them, and sometimes because we don't want to accept that label. A lot of work goes into reducing the "stigma" (the negative thoughts associated with a label), but that work is never-ending because a label means "something unusual" has happened. We may also think that if there is a label, then it will never get better. While it may be true that there are some challenges that will always be there, it is wrong to think things will never get better.
On the other hand, labels can be useful. One of the main purposes of a label is so that we can work toward making things better. With a label a child may get access to services he previously couldn't. We may understand a bit more about why the child does the things he does, or maybe why he doesn't do some things he should. As a result, we might become more patient with our child once we know "what's going on." We can also start using lots of research to find better ways of helping the child.
Labels often seem to create more questions than they answer, but we can start asking better questions. We're no longer trying to find our way through a large, open field. We have clearly marked paths, and can start exploring them. Finding the approach that is best for your child may begin with an evaluation and a label, but it continues with problem-solving and working together.
I have two documents that discuss evaluations and labels in more detail:
Diagnosis - more information about the process of making a diagnosis
Understanding Diagnostic Results - written with one of my colleagues, this one is about questions that often come up after the diagnosis
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