Time-out is based on one simple idea: the child
would rather be doing something fun and being in time-out means he cannot do anything he would rather be doing. This
first point is important to understand because if the child is not bored, then
time-out probably won’t work very well. If the child is able to get your
attention (even if you’re scolding him or explaining why he is in trouble),
then that may be more enjoyable to him than getting nothing at all. The best
indicator we can have that time-out is having the effect we want is observing
the child’s behavior. If the child is getting upset, fidgeting, talking, or
complaining, then time-out is probably working. In fact, the more the child
complains, the more we know he dislikes it (which is the goal).
Therefore, we need to setup time-out carefully. Some
general recommendations include: require the child to serve time-out away from
anything interesting (TV, radio, other people or pets, toys…), provide a place
for the child to sit (chair or floor is fine), ensure the place is safe, and
make sure you can see the child easily when you need to. The time-out location
should be a “low traffic” area as well. If people frequently walk by, then it
can be entertaining for the child and harder to get a good effect from
time-out.
It is very helpful to have a timer the child can
easily see and understand. It is better if the timer can clearly show how much
time is remaining in time-out. Additionally, if the timer can be paused when
the child is becoming disruptive, then that is tremendously helpful. There is
some debate if it is better to pause or restart time-out when the child gets
up, moves around, or talks. If time-out is restarted each time the child acts
up, then a simple 5-minute time-out may become a half-hour time-out, which is
hardly fair. The child also “loses” all of the progress he previously made in
serving time-out.
Pausing time-out allows the child to keep his previous
success, but sends a clear message that he will not be out of time-out until he
settles down again. It is appropriate and helpful to very simply, and
unemotionally explain this to the child (for example, “The timer stops until
you are quiet.”). Further explanation is unlikely to be helpful and may
actually reward the child for acting
up (because they get your attention again). Instead, we want the child to be
rewarded for controlling his impulsive behavior and emotions (a very valuable
skill).
The child is more likely to comply with time-out if he can see that he
only has a few minutes left in time-out. Each minute that passes in time-out
is, in a manner, rewarding for the child and can be considered a measure of
success (because the child must refrain from many other behaviors during
time-out). Many timers go up to 1 hour in length, which can be very difficult
to see due to small numbers. Also, if the child is only serving a 5-minute
time-out, then it is hard to see when the timer has moved a minute or two on a
1 hour timer.
The typical rule for
setting the length of time-out is approximately 1-minute for each year of age
of the child. Therefore, a 5 year-old child may serve a 5-minute time-out. This
is not a firm rule, however, and can be adjusted as necessary. Some children
are remarkably patient and need a slightly longer time-out (extended 1 or 2
minutes), while other children are extremely impatient and hyperactive, and
would probably get just as much effect from a slightly shorter time-out (shortened
by 1 or 2 minutes). Extremely long time-outs are generally not effective, and
other punishments may be more appropriate if you find you need an unusually
long time-out. It is unclear at what age time-out loses its potency (indeed,
even adults may serve a form of time-out), but you can always begin adding
other forms of punishment when your child is ready. Ultimately, we do not want
to be dependent on punishment to adjust a child’s behavior.
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