Biting

Children may bite for many reasons, including in response to emotions, for the sensation it provides, or due to physical discomfort (ear ache, toothache, getting new teeth...). We should understand why a child bites if we want to make it stop. It's good to rule out the physical causes first, especially because they might indicate a possible health concern (such as an ear ache). Then we can look at the other reasons for biting.

If a child bites more often in certain situations (for example, at school or home), then we should look at what is happening in those environments. It may be that the child is more stressed or scared in one situation and that it's something we can change. If a child tends to bite certain people more often, then we should make a note of that so we know when it is most likely to occur. If a child bites more during certain times of the day, that could also be good information (it may be that the child needs planned naps). And lastly, we should understand that for a very young child, being "excited, mad, scared, worried, or happy" produces the same general physical response (a "high arousal state"). Certain behaviors, like biting, are more likely at those times.

So how do we deal with the biting itself? First, to get it out of the way: Do not bite the child back. I understand the reasoning: "I'll show him what it feels like and then he'll quit." I'm not sure if that has ever really worked, but we certainly don't have to take the chance and can get biting to stop in other ways. Also, biting a child in response may make biting "an ok response" in the eyes of some children and increase their use of biting with other children.

We basically have three options for addressing biting: acting before, during, or after.

Acting Before
We might try identifying when the child is likely to bite and prevent it by:

• moving away from the child
• playfully redirecting or distracting the child
• correcting the child and prompting a different behavior
• modeling a different behavior yourself

Why? We are preventing the bite from occurring and thereby decreasing any enjoyable response (reinforcement) that may come from it.

Acting During
We might change our response to biting to discourage it in the future:

• a firm, "no, don't bite"
• withdraw from the child for a minute or two (the fun activities have stopped)

Why? The idea here is that the child learns that when he bites, good things don't happen and it isn't fun. This response is a gentle and simple punishment. It is like time-out, but less formal and more focused on you and the child.

Acting After
We might teach the child a different way of responding:

• deliberate instruction, "when we're really happy/mad/scared we should ____"
• practice a few times and praise the child's attempts
• prompt before the biting occurs again and praise the child for even attempting the new behavior

Why? Children are learning how to respond appropriately to their emotions and how to express them in ways that are ok. Biting may be part of an emotional response or, in a manner of speaking, a way for the child to express an emotion. However, there are other ways of expressing those emotions, and they are better. For example, if a child is angry, then he can cross his arms, scowl, stomp his foot, or say he's mad. Those are better ways of handling it, but it's hard to do and there's no reason we should expect a child to figure that out on his own easily.

Instead we teach him, tell him when he should do it, and practice it a few times so he gets the hang of it. Then, when he is actually mad, we try to give him a simple reminder ("Remember, cross your arms" and cross our own arms to show him) and as soon as he begins to attempt it, we tell him he's doing a good job, praise him, and (in some cases) even give him a clear reward (like a sticker, candy, or balloon). We praise him not because he's doing the right thing, but because he made the effort to stop his old response and use his new response. That's very hard to do, we shouldn't underestimate the effort, and we should show our appreciation of that.